


we’ll never know, but then I’ll get used to it

by timequakes



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Gen, NWSL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 01:46:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/656659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timequakes/pseuds/timequakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alex has always been good at adapting to change, but the new league changes everything so fast it's impossible to keep up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we’ll never know, but then I’ll get used to it

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write gen fic about Alex because I have suddenly had a huge influx of feelings about her. Which means that I spent the last two days writing this instead of writing the other fics I should have been writing, and, in my usual fashion, I am not sorry.

Alex has always been able to handle change.

She’s adapted to hundreds of different places in her life and has never had a problem embracing the way her life took drastic twists and turns, but this time it hits her all at once. It hits her the morning after Tobin leaves for France, when she gets up to go for a jog by herself and brings back the usual four orders instead of just the three. Kelley takes the tooth-achingly sweet latte out of her hand with a knowing half-smile and pours it out in the sink before Allie can say anything about it. Her own coffee tastes flat and watery that morning, like something fundamental- cream or caffeine or vanilla syrup- is missing.

Later she finds Kelley sitting cross-legged in Tobin’s room where there are still clothes and various belongings strewn to high heaven. Allie follows her in and Kelley looks up at them with an eyebrow raised.

“She left her board.”

The longboard is in Kelley’s hands, worn down with love and use, and Alex kneels next to her to spin one of the wheels. It’s like Tobin’s left behind a limb or something, some kind of ghost artifact that makes it feel like she’s been abducted instead of recruited. “It’s too cold to board out there,” Allie says, but she’s the only one brave enough to sit on Tobin’s hastily-made bed, “it’s, like, negative thirty or something ridiculous like that.”

Alex associates Tobin with the beach, with sunlight and brightness and warmth. Imagining her in the gray wetness of France snaps everything into perspective: things are changing, and it’s happening now.

-

At camp she thinks she’s ready for the change but discovers that she’s not. She knows that grown women can be cliquey just like kids can, but it’s been a while since there’s been a national league, and she’s forgotten how that changes the dynamics of the group. She’s forgotten what it’s like to not be Abby’s one-and-only partner in crime, what it’s like to look at her teammates and know that two months from now she’ll be facing most of them in competition, and what it’s like to have split loyalties.

“Are you excited to play with Sinc again?”

It’s an innocent question but Alex tenses up when Abby asks it as they lace their jogging shoes up, automatically on the defensive. “Yeah. I was a little surprised that Portland got both of us and then also Tobin and Bue, but then when Tobin signed with PSG…” she shrugs, tightening her ponytail, “it made a little more sense.”

Abby stands and does a hamstring stretch, her voice casual but her posture stiff with awkwardness. “You guys are pretty stacked. Did you list her as a preference to play with?”

There’s no good answer to that and she wishes Abby hadn’t bothered to ask, because no matter what she says it’s going to hurt someone. She tells the truth, but she bends down to re-check her laces when she does it so that she doesn’t have to see Abby’s face. 

“I did. Her, you, and Tobin.”

Abby’s quiet for a second, just long enough that Alex has no choice but to look up or make it obvious she’s trying not to. The older forward isn’t great at hiding her feelings even when she tries and at this point Alex can read her like a book- relieved to be on the list but frustrated at losing out- and lets herself take a breath.

“Well, at least you got two of them.”

-

The season opener pits Alex and Abby against each other.

The website article headline is “Clash of the Titans” and Alex reads it over three full times before her phone buzzes and rips her away from the overdramatic trainwreck. It’s a text from Sincy, succinct and comforting like she knows automatically that Alex needs it: “ignore the hype. its all about the game.”

Those are the words she lives by for the time leading up to the starting whistle. When they line up for the anthem, Abby smiles at her, and the gesture feels so familiar that it feels out of place. Portland is the obvious favorite and that’s what all the hype has been about- the team is stacked, even missing Tobin (and Alex misses Tobin, especially now), and the Flash has struggled to rack up the defense it needs to stand a chance. But the hype is a big part of why the Flash starts the game with shoulders squared and heads high- they’re the underdogs and that gives them even more of a reason to fight for the win.

-

It’s ninety minutes of some of the most intense soccer Alex has ever played, but when it’s all said and done Portland wins with a one point margin. Alex knows that Sinc is going to go right for her, but her eyes lock onto Abby and before she really thinks about it that’s who she heads for.

Abby hugs her back and only then does Alex realize she was afraid that she wouldn’t.

“We’ll get you next time, Morgan,” but there’s a smile in her voice when Abby says it. 

Christine heads to the bench alone.

-

She’s guilty about that for four straight days before Allie calls her out on it while they wait for Tobin to Skype them. She denies it at first, but Allie’s deceptively smart and so patient that Alex immediately feels bad for trying to lie.

“I can’t do that again. I know that. I mean, it looked bad, right?”  
“I think you’re overestimating how much people cared about it, actually.”

That gives her pause.

“I don’t mean that I think I’m, like, famous or anything, I just feel bad that I slighted Sincy.”

Allie laughs a little and nudges Alex’s shoulder. She was Tobin’s friend first, and only through Portland has Alex’s relationship with her started to grow enough that she really honestly values their conversations and Allie’s companionship. “You _are_ famous. That doesn’t mean people are gonna jump at you for hugging someone else’s captain after a friendly. It would be different if that had been a game against Seattle.”

All the tension drains right out of Alex’s shoulders and she closes her eyes for a second, letting herself take a deep breath for the first time in what feels like ages.

“You’re right.”  


“I know.”

-

Servando surprises her by appearing in Portland three days before the rivalry game. 

She's leaving the stadium after practice, Beats on, damp from her shower, when she looks up and sees him standing in front of her car with a flower in his hand and a grin on his face. 

It has never felt better to launch herself into his arms. He smells like mountain air and his lips are warm and he's laughing into her hair when she hugs him again, swaying her back and forth. 

"I thought you were only coming for the game," she says, pulling back to smile up at him, brushing her thumb over his jaw. He hasn't shaved in a day or so and his hands are solid and comforting on her hips and she knows without a shadow of a doubt she's happier here like this than anywhere else on Earth. 

"I never come for games; I come for you."

-

When they play Washington, Ali tackles Alex to the ground so hard that she bites her own tongue. Winded, she closes her eyes and lays there until her ribs stop aching and she can tase the blood in her mouth. It's not much, but it's there.

Someone takes her hand to help her up. Alex opens her eyes expecting Sinc, but it's Ali who pulls her to her feet and touches her upper back. The message is clear- they're competitors, but they're a family. There's loyalty between them that Alex hadn't realized she was worried about losing until she remembered they had it. 

She finds Ali after the game (a 1-0 loss thanks to Matheson and the brick-and-mortar Washington back line) and hugs her without saying a word.

-

It’s late June when everyone gathers in Manhattan to greet their missing players back. For convenience’s sake, Megan and Tobin are on the same flight, and Ashlyn’s arrives two hours later. Alex volunteers to be one of the people at the airport for pickup duty, and Ali’s not far behind, much to nobody’s surprise.

“It’s been six months,” Alex says when they get to the terminal, and Ali looks up from her phone. There’s lag for a second before Ali smiles. Alex regrets saying it the moment she does- her missing Tobin is nothing like Ali missing Ashlyn. She’s been missing a roommate and a teammate and a best friend. Ali’s been missing a soulmate.

Ali is much more graceful about it than Alex thinks she would be, if it had been Servando overseas. “It doesn’t feel like six months,” she says, pocketing her phone and leaning against the barrier, “it feels like so much longer.”

When Tobin sees them she drags Pinoe with her and hugs Alex so tightly it feels like her ribs are going to crack.

“You’re pale,” Alex says, and Tobin shoves her before turning to hug Ali. 

For the next hour and a half the four of them sit in the airport cafe and Ali taps her fingers on the table, participating marginally in conversation until she hears Ashlyn’s flight number over the intercom and leaves them for the terminal again. Nobody bothers to follow her- partially out of politeness, and partially because Tobin and Megan are still deep in their lunches. 

Tobin looks up and watches Ali walk away, but Megan just sits back in her chair and sighs, rolling her eyes dramatically into the back of her head. 

“It has been too fucking long since I’ve had a good burger.”

-

 _Six months_ doesn’t hit her until they’re all together again.

 _Six months_ doesn’t hit her until she’s between Tobin and Kelley in a booth across from Abby and Ashlyn and Ali, until she can hear every last voice of every last woman on the national team.

It’s been six months since her whole life started to change. And it’s not easy- living a state away from Servando, competing against some of the most important people in her life, and learning how to be a role model- but it’s her life.

And she’s kind of living it.


End file.
